She looked like her face caught fire, and someone put it out with a screwdriver.
Yeah, but I'm out of licorice and there's no way anywhere near here will rent us all mopeds on a Tuesday night.
Until he has ordered mozzarella sticks & beers at 2pm while wearing formal attire, then this is still my bar.
I'm going to but the new Playboy with Chelsea Handler on the cover. I'm pretty sure it's the only time buying a Playboy will make me gayer...
and ive been naked for the greater part of the evening. alone, drunk, and naked. i think that is how all great interventions start.
Plan: drunk dancing. Reality: drunk almost getting in fights with people that could beat me into the ground.
The last thing I remember was paying off her younger brother not to judge me, then puking on his shoes.
They had to stop us from skinny dipping in the reflection pool of the Mormon temple.
Well he was saying something about being emotionally unavailable since his dad died, but then I blew him in a tree and he shut up
So I don't know, I'm not a doctor, but I might be juggling dates with 3 different guys...
It's been two whole weeks and I haven't missed a single class. I deserve 69 blunts.
P.s. I wore your shirt today and it has your blood all over it, but I am at a funeral home and they are using embalming fluid to get your blood stains out right now.
You're doing screenings before you set me up again- no child sized dicks allowed.
it'll be like the notebook except for with way more of my penis
I made him leave to get me chicken nuggets so I could have sex with his roommate
Randomize
