well I can't set my house on fire every night
I cant date a girl that sucks dick at sucking dick
you were leaning against the vending machine asking if there was a shower you could puke in.
I'm drinking with 3 chicks and 1 gay dude. 100% chance I'm getting laid and 75% chance I'll enjoy it.
Atty had lunch with DA and confirmed I am not the target of the investigation. No word on anything else
he ate me out like he was chugging a beer.
Actually some of the best sex I've had involved a lot of laughing.
How small IS your cock?
Also my vagina isn't a crater of death where nothing comes out
Because guys aren't supposed to cry. Especially when it's over a dude singing a Christmas carol.
His mom finally got over her shame and smoked a bowl with us. Merry Christmas to all aka me.
Yo, I totally had forgotten you were CA. Thank you for making my life easier with modern medicine.
Packing for college has become a game of where did I hide my sex toys.
Was expecting a sext from Kristi and then my mom randomly sent me a pic of her ugly Xmas sweater. Worst. Buzzkill. Ever.
You are cordially invited to the annual finals week stress relief drinking binge at our manor this evening
I have betrayed my no carb ways & I can feel it.
Embrace it. Come over to the dark side. I'll feed you muffins while stroking your hair.
Randomize
