the couple across the street's about to bang. go get the popcorn and come join us.
Fyi mom and I voted and you're the DD tonight, congratulations
She has more profile pics than tagged pics. narcissism at its best.
I got head to The Nanny. Officially gay.
So I've gone into the break room to heat up a styrofoam cup 8 times over the course of 4 hours.. that desperate to see him. Now I have a broken heart AND cancer.
It's hard to take you serious when you're crying your eyes out wearing an adult sized onesie.
'lets look at pictures of your friend's new baby' was probably the worst post-sex idea we've ever had
Two dicks, one me.
Yoga's definitely paying off.
I have a gay crossdressing neighbor that's dresses up as a slutty pirate. 6 beers from now I would have hit on him. I hate halloween.
I partied with 2 slutty ninja turtles from Sweden last night, I Love Halloween.
Right as the plane left the gate the brownies kicked in. I dont think the guy next to me appreciated my engine noises as we took off
Def don't remember taking those pics I sent you...but it looks like I was in a car? Shit. Looks like my Uber passenger rating just went up exponentially.
He poured champagne on my pussy while he ate me out. I found my unicorn.
Sorry you ended up in detox. It's not my fault you decided to walk downtown in only your underwater at 3am. I think the tequila took over.
Being single again makes you realize how guys can go from licking your asshole one night to never texting you again
My drug dealer just told me goodnight...I still don't know his name. But I guess you can say we've moved to the next step.
Randomize
