Yeah, all the sudden I heard a loud "ding" and realized I had been passed out on the dorm elevator for about an hour....
Why is Kyle using one of my nieces as a blunt object to provoke and attack my other niece?
Okay! I've got my sketchbook, my purse, my coat, and a knife hidden in my cleavage. I'm ready for to meet my blind date~
The guy I fucked in San Diego is camping with us for coachella... Awk.
I have a very hazy flashback of me making out with a guy in a seashell bra??! Can you confirm or deny
Im going to make a sandwich and see if my books came from amazon. I cant believe two years ago i was dating eight guys and teaching russian exchange students how to do shots.
And all you did was hit on me and do things "for America", so you weren't judged heavily
I now have a bottom rung on my kissing scale. Like I can say "Well. On a scale of Matt to Braxton he was probably a Zach." It's the little things.
I found your dog. Now we are bros, so he is staying. Don't call, don't make it weird.
I threw up this morning to Silent Night playing in background. It was actually quite soothing.
woke up and somehow me leather belt got torn in half. either we partied with the hulk or some chick just could not wait to see my dick. probably the former tho
Can't decide if it was more awkward buying sheets together or disposing of them afterwards
I forgot her safe word. It was a rough night.
George Washington did not fight for our freedom just to have people shit themselves all night
Stop trying to get me to choose vodka over a nap
Randomize
