sometimes when you bring the thunder you get lost in the storm
Let's start a violent farting gang. We can do walkbys.
Its not small because its small, Its small because it was cold outside
i knew it was time to break up with him once he pulled out the Halo foreplay costumes
Just bought plan B with a coupon. Told the pharmacist I like to keep it classy.
Every day you talk to me ... I literally love you more..
Pretty sure I saw a dude across the room give this girl the international hand gesture for "I'm going to fist you later", she seemed ok with it.
Why did you put hummus in my pillow case?
New rule : you aren't allowed anything . Ever .
I keep telling myself that if Britney can make it through 2007, I can make it through this date.
I like dinosaurs. I like penises. It's kind of a win win
Some guy named spider just bought me 5 shots
Lol if he questions who I am I'm gonna send him a pic of his boxers
He fell asleep during FOREPLAY. Sober!!!
Im outta here as soon as my phone charges wtf
She's still mad at me for saying she looked pregnant and not getting her chicken nuggets.
He said when the pizza came I zip locked one slice and went to the couch and snuggled with it. Does that give you an idea of how my night was?
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