Dear everyone that texted me last night wondering where i was. i ended up face down blacked up drunk before i made it to the party. My bad
ive been sending my husband naked pics of my whole body from my phone..its a work phone. do you think our boss can see? if so, im either getting fired, or a raise.
That fat broad you banged out last night is still here and I can hear her snoring through the living room wall. I would leave, but I don't want to come home to an empty fridge.
so i was dancing to the glee soundtrack with highheels. i tripped. and the dildo fell on my face. i dont know what happened.
just fucked my old babysitter, gotta love block parties
Jeff just maced a waitress...it's way too early for this.
Please get rnbert tn get chebk h'm in i'm no dead when he getr gome
This has been the biggest binge-drinking season of the decade.
They ran through the sprinklers in front of campus police, shirtless. Singing "love is a battlefield"
You should try cooking mac & cheese naked sometime. It's quite relaxing.
When he sent me a picture, I swear my vag frowned. That tiny.
We play this game where we catch up on what we missed over five years of not talking to eachother, then we have sex like nothing ever happened.
Jesus fuck. I just hit on him in front of the whole fire department. They hit the sirens and told us to get a room. FML. I can never go back to that fire station again...
so i may or may not have just had sex on the stage of the lecture hall....
She’s a Vegas 8, which makes her an Oklahoma 27
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