Your mouth is God's brothel.
i wish that i had sketchier friends so that it would be easier to get drugs
found an empty one..2nd door on the right...i'm already naked.
I thanked her for the handjob she gave me in the middle of the night. She had no idea what i was talking about. I think she sleep-jerked-me-off. Im def sleeping over tonight too
What's the appropriateness of putting a 50 cent lyric in my gmas eulogy?
Hickey on my chest, threw out my elbow and now walking out my shame.
Youre getting too old for this
I wish they made people sized litter boxes.
You would ignore him even if it wasn't NoManUary. It could be the Winter of a Thousand Dicks and you wouldn't talk to that guy.
The Winter of A Thousand Dicks sounds terrifying!!!
Will the fact that I have 4 boob hickies add to or take away from tonight's outfit?
Met Dan at the park for lunch and the guy parked next to us was getting a BJ the entire time. Way to make me feel like an inadequate girlfriend, random park skank. All Dan got was a double cheeseburger and a large iced tea...
Awareness is good for change and all, but ignorance is bliss. I like bliss.
I got back from work this morning after working the night shift to find an NFL player scaling the side of our apartment...from your window. He just took sneaking out to all new level. Care to explain?
I think that about sums it up, actually.
Idk man, we spent like 20 mins arguing about the moral ambiguity of fucking in someone else's car
Why do I like him? He literally has no redeeming qualities.
dude the last time we saw him was 2 nights ago when he was yelling that the trees were naked or some shit then he ran into the forest. I think its time for a search party
Randomize
