Btw I've read that book you bought me...And I'm such a bitch now
But I don't think guys love me
I wish your couch was made out of beer. I would drink like half of it.
This concert is like a reunion of all my bad sex.
Day two of vacation and my first drink of the day is a plan b colada
I just got sparklers from my secret santa. Drunken sledding just got to a whole new level of dangerous
I need you to send me a picture of your dick. I want to forward it to that girl and you and i both know you're more impressively sized
In the middle of the State of the Union, she unzipped my pants and started giving me head. I've never been so proud to be an American.
Can you come get Dustin he's putting taco bell fire sauce on cigarettes trying to light them again.
And as cleavage season comes to a close, so blooms a new season of yoga pants. And the people rejoiced.
Everybody needs breakup sex. You just happened to get yours from a dude who hasn't reached the point of breakup yet. No biggie.
4 out of 7 roommates in one month isn't that bad if you think about the fact that 3 of them were in the last 24 hours
Are you planning on wandering into construction sites drunk and falling down 6' holes?
probably
Damn Instagram explore page. I am six months in to some girl I don't even know.
I always knew ther was a reason why we're best friends
Obvs our love of drugs
I like to think of it more as our love of curiosity
Right after i got done cumming i sat back and gave a big Ric Flair "WOOOOOO!"
Randomize
