Those balls look pretty dangerous.
he wanted me to dress up like someone from lord of the rings. I dumped him.
being a part time student has turned me into a full time alcoholic.
Definately going to wake up wondering what happened to the other half of my lip.
The girl I hooked up with in exchange for Ramen freshmen year is living with the girl I currently wish to bang.
Try oodles of noodles this time.
I come back home for break and my room is full of weed either my parents really love me or they are having more fun then I am in college
nothing says "you're fucked" like watching a movie with the family and a handle of vodka comes crashing down from your hiding spot in the ceiling tiles.
If you make 120 dollars and I walk instd of drive and don't eat or smoke this week we can pay rent
Woke up behind one of the fraternity brothers houses in the grass wearing a guinness hat and aviators hugging a 30 rack box with a zonie on my chest next to a campfire.
Had a dream I cut my own dick off. That's it I gotta see a doctor...
Umm
Exactly.
Goddamn it. Hes got me addicted to his penis
Ok, not to minimize the significance of that beautiful anecdote from your childhood, but here's a video of my penis.
I can empathize with sociopaths, serial killers, demons, gods, and monsters....straight white males are literally the only barrier to my 100% empathy rate. I don't get it.
I woke up with leftover chocolate syrup on my nipples. WTF happened last night??
I've just realized that today's rations have consisted of turkey bacon and jack Daniels.
Randomize
