Whatever my ex gf's roomates talked shit about me so I jizzed in their shampoo bottle one night
Spider just rapelled from her vag rethinking online dating.
and he thought i came like four times in 2 mins. my leg just kept cramping up
She was crying, alone at a college bar. It would have been rude NOT to try and show my penis to her.
Bullshit. No way. If I brushed past your penis it was completely coincidental.
There was a note in my hello kitty underwear telling me "don't go over 9000"
Just saw the stripper pole on the road that we threw out of the party bus last night
I wish your snatch was here
If my snatch could sprout wings I'd fly to you
Still slightly drunk, sitting in Hyde park village. Two small children are dancing and singing "call me maybe" on the fountain in front of me. Am I hallucinating?
NO TEQUILA
Why do I always think it's a good idea? Like a challenge? Shit maybe I should CHALLEGE myself to get laid for once instead
I can assure you I didn't go home with a girl, because I woke up on someone's porch
You did a cartwheel, it was terrible.
I remember that cartwheel, it was okay.
I think you might be the first man ever to describe getting a blowjob as "neat"
I feel slightly un-patriotic right now... I just got cock blocked by the Air Force!
I was actually kind of excited. I mean, how many people can say they've been question by the CIA?
Randomize
