How do I get over judging people who I would be exactly like if I had a boyfriend
Get a boyfriend
The best thing happened. Some guy was butchering Conway Twitty at karoke and the power went off in the whole bar. And someone shouted "you pissed jesus off when you messed with conway!"
I can't believe you made out with me with a french fry in your mouth.
She just started grabbing all the hospital's rubber gloves and face masks and shoving them in her purse, saying, "My tax money paid for these!"
We left around 4am, just after you laid down on your front lawn to take a piss. After 15 mins I said "dude are you still peeing?" you replied "Nope, just laying here with my dick out."
I'm not saying you did or didn't sleep with him but he's has your thong hanging from his ceiling fan
She looks like a Midwestern news anchor that got fired so she has done nothing but eat for the past 6 months.
You suck at answering, but you did manage to avoid a fun conversation about hemorrhoids. So maybe you're great at answering.
I had a glass of wine for breakfast. It's gonna be a rough week.
I told my coworker that I'm going to a dinner party and was asked to bring wine and pregnancy tests and he was like.. I miss being 20
I want you more than I want a burrito.
I'm not as filling.
I would literally only have sex with a dinosaur right now.
I just had sex on my divorce papers. I've never felt so poetic.
Her blow jobs are legen wait for it seriously like 9 people I know brag about them dary
yes, i'm a douce. but i'm a high quality douche.
Randomize
