And I just remember seeing him for the first time and being like, who is this ape of a man? Like legit he could be the missing link
yeah, i liked him til i heard he had a sac that could apparently smother my face.
I just spit my fake tooth out at a customer. I think he thought it was my bubble gum though so it's ok.
I didn't realize he wasn't circumcised... it looked like the Unibomber...
Word to the wise: learn how to ask "What is my bail posted as" in French before traveling abroad.
All he was doing was sitting in the car, staring. We asked him what was wrong and he just turned, smiled, and said "everything has its own pair of boots"
I really like you, but I want to get to know you on a time when I am not at drugs.
I have to overdose on valtrex I had a rough weekend.
Just so we're clear. I'm still making jello shots and bringing them to the bar in my purse. I don't care if its half off margaritas. Don't want anyone thirsty
Nothing will ever prepare you for the moment when you are sitting on your friends bathroom floor with no pants on eating string cheese & pita at 2am.
chimney cleaner pole that expands when button is pushed then pull out. Remember that. We have to patent it.
Who are you high with right now?
Just made a list of all the guys I've hooked up with. "Roofie tattoo eyelids", "xanex night guy", "rainy concert", "cory blanket" and "naked hottub guy" made it.
she walked in on me throwing up in the sink with my pants around my ankles and I said "i'll be with you in a sec"
So I just had breakfast and then sex in a parking garage before he went to school and thus I am loving my life
The dysfunction is strong in this one.
Randomize
