So I'm banging this nun...
Isn't that how all good stories start? I like it already...
he wouldnt have sex with me because his guild had a misson on world of warcraft.
he was pretty good aside from the whole putting his tongue on my butt thing
I swear to god I'm going to hunt down and stab the next telemarketer that calls from a blocked number while I'm waiting for my STD results...
Just found a dugout in my rental car glove box. Suddenly my mood is upbeat.
She used the introduce me to her roommates so she could find out my name trick the next morning..I may be in love.
I asked him if his doormat had a name, then proceeded to sit on it for the next 30 minutes while signing that magic carpet ride song from aladdin.
I woke up using a pile of socks as a pillow. I think theyre clean so thats a plus.
I can't wait til I'm a real grown up and am no longer expected to take 7 shots of raspberry ruby as a pregame to a night of drinking natty lite
He left in the middle of the night, he left his shoes behind and stole my doc martens..size 6 female. Wtf?
she texted me 'with freud,' which i thought was drunk for 'i'm with my friend.' but nope, she was actually on a statue of the psychologist sigmund freud.
The way I see it, there's 2 types of friends. Those you should do drugs with, and those you really,really shouldn't.
This bitch goes out driving during the nor'easter to get her ass eaten.. that’s dedication
I need weed and if he's hot, maybe he can supply me with sex too.
Can I use your boat
Also, what’s the deal with international water? Do they have signs out there like a city does or do I need a map?
WTH is going on? It’s the middle of the night
Randomize
