Dude, I totally just put a lit lighter to my hand for 10 seconds
How much beer did you get for it?
One ice cold coors, but those mountains lied
Do you ever think God made girls unattractive around their periods as a warning?
Christmas on farmville was waaaaay better than my actual Christmas.
I woke up to him eating me out, listening to classical music.
I woke up with his wallet, but not him. Gold-digging at it's finest.
mom found the triscuts in her underwear drawer, its done.
He whinnies like a horse when he's cumming. I wish I would have known this before we got into a relationship.
What I love about college? The kid tripping balls has a kayak made readily available to him on any given Wednesday, Saturday, or Sunday.
The important thing is not that we avoid making mistakes, but that we avoid learning from them.
I. Put. Them. Back. We are NOT making a habit of jail visits.
I'm going to make "gut the love salmon" a common slang term for sex. Spread the word.
Sometimes you have a life bucket list item checked off like 4 tits in your face simultaneously and getting to bang them both. I'm sorry I bailed on skiing but not really. Coming over with a boombox playing 'heat of the moment' as soon as I can hail a cab cause I'm too drunk to drive still...
He recreated the night that started all my mothers days. We shared a joint, drank Boones Farm, and dry humped to the Beastie Boys. Then I cried over MCA's death. Best. Gift. Ever.
i saw way too much penis for that to have been a funeral
Guess who won a basket of sex toys in front of his parents, aunts, uncles, sister, and cousin...
Randomize
