Thought you might like this. Had a dance off with an andy bernard look alike and pissed my bed. All in one night.
He thanked me for being "his little blond pogo stick last night". Good thing?
Before I left in the morning I deleted her purity ring app off her iPod, I figured it would save her the shame
both the worst and best vomit ever... it was extra chunky and thick cause of the sausage... but it also tasted like delicious sausage... also cause of the sausage
Would it be a dick move to report the suite next-door for a noise violation? They're singing Bad Romance off-key and I'm not sure if I can allow that.
You hooked up with another girl while you were with me. You were literally holding my hand while you did it.
The cab driver thought we were passed out so he called a sexline...
I want to apologize but I don't know how. Do I just say "sorry for OD'ing on your couch"? I think that just sounds weird.
you're going to have to hot glue me into my dress tonight. there's no way out.
Listen I'm a sentimental character under all this alcohol and ratchetry
The horniest man in the world doesn't want sex as bad as I want pizza right now.
You helped blow my nose... Ok it's safe to say we are on a new level of relationship..
In my opinion the party was fun, but i did A LOT of cocaine so my view was a little distorted......
I am now picking what guy I will hang out with based on how many Pokémon they live near.
"You can have sex in my class, just stay quiet. I don't like noise." My professor... Shall make for an interesting semester.
Randomize
