I think my emotional moodswings have reached a new low. I cried for the entire duration of changing my tampon.
how was the sex?
he smelled like pickles and burnt hair.
well, there's that.
I just found a beer pong ball in my mail box. I think its a sign
The cop only confirmed I'm .22% Irish. Then I threw up on him.
God I love babysitting. They pay me $10 an hour to watch movies and sext
apparently he's bringing me two things i like. he said one was him and i'm assuming the other one is his penis
I just compared drinking to love. How do these people not know I'm an alcoholic?
heres the thing, we have 120 cans of beer left in the fridge. until thats finished we cant fit food in the fridge
I'm an EMT, not a miracle worker. No, I can't fix your sprained dick.
I told him to keep his feelings in his pants because they're annoying and to just fuck me.
Its a first. Never been peed on in a line to concert. First time for everything.
She kept telling me it was a squirtgun.
that's the best thing i've ever said to a penis
Well his ex just grabbed his dick and told him yep Ill call u later
I just made a drink so ill shit. It's goona be great. Ill tell you about it when you get here. Get pumped. For my shit.
How did I end up in some random dudes car?
Some guy came up to you and asked if you knew how to drive stick.
Randomize
