I just did the scooter of shame. New levels of embarrassment have now opened.
he kind of looks like leonardo dicaprio...in whats eating gilbert grape
wtf, did you fuck a retard?!
i have a food baby... i think its a boy...
It involved homemade coconut rum, a waterfall, and street signs. I'll leave the rest to your capable imagination.
I was so proud to be driving sober that I wanted to get pulled over so I could tell the officer I hadn't been drinking.
He got punched in the face, dropped his laptop down a flight of stairs, and broke his roommate's lava lamp, getting all the toxic lava goo everywhere. This is why we don't let him get drunk. And yet here we are.
The last thing I remember was doing a line in the shape of Texas
I've noticed we have slowly begun to phase the "B" out of our Bromance.
He's only done it missionary. His world is about to be rocked. Do you know what I look like from behind?
I woke up and there was pizza slices on the fucking walls of my room
I'M CUDDLING WITH MY CAT AND THAT GUY SENT ME A DICK PIC. UNANNOUNCED DICK PICS ARE TERRIFYING AND MY CAT WILL NEVER BE THE SAME
After we finished having phone sex he proceeded to serenade me with Ave Maria. It was magical.
I spilled a whole plate of queso and salsa on my bed so I'm just eating it off my sheets with chips. How's your night going?
My moms new boyfriend looks like Stu Pickles if he was in a biker gang. He gave me free coke though, so come party?
And all i could do was bury the part of me that felt guilty for cradle robbing and put on my dick swallowing bib.
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