I twisted my ankle last night doing a super high five with 3 inch heels on.
Eric and I got kicked off of karaoke last night. Apparently, singing about masturbation to the tune of "A Whole New World" is not appropriate and definitely frowned upon by the DJ.
He had me believing he was actually British until he came and used his real voice.
JUST SAW MY DRUG DEALER SOBER AND GOING TO CLASS. This is weird, its almost like he's an actual student whio leaves his room...
I woke up to him peeling the skin on my stomach from my sunburn. If he wasn't so good in bed I'd be a little freaked out.
It's like all my brain cells are screaming at me.
I'm dying.
I'm in Starbucks carrying the boxes wine and the hubcap. So many judging looks.
Haha. Last winter I went through this phase where id go to the bars with my own giant goblet and demand to be served white wine and red bull hah
Your loyalty to the Redskins reminds me how no matter how much I disappoint you, you will still always be rooting for me.
how much do I hate his dog? was just googling to see if you can rent a hungry eagle for the weekend hate.
I don't want my vagina anymore.
Of course I fucked him. He was wearing a rainbow cock sock and cowboy boots.
Yes ma'am. I'm attracted to unconventional people, you know that.
True. I can't judge, half of my sexual partners I only know a false first name & a number. We all have our kinks.
you should come have a drink with me (non alcoholic or otherwise) im at the same bar as your sister and a few guys that would apparently "lick your butthole"-congratulations
I ate cake in bed. Felt great
Randomize
