Had sex with the ex last night. Regretting to begin in 5, 4, 3, 2, 1... WHYYYYYYYYYY!
he's making romantic advances towards me. and he has a pet snake. 2nd part not relevant, but interesting.
Well, it's either jungle juice or memory of the night... It's unfortunate I can't have both
We're bowling witha frozen turkey in the hallway...ur missing out
Those mornings you wake up with a Barbie tramp stamp are the mornings that are the that are going to make me miss this place
Her dog trainer Fuck buddy is over here again. She sounds like a squeaky toy and he talks to her like he talks to the dog. I CAN HEAR EVERYTHING!!!
I peppersprayed myself last night. Sigh.
Came so hard my ears popped. This lovely piece of news and pissin in my driveway brought to you by rum
She walked out and announced that he was now part of our confused, incestuous, glorious eskimo family. I've never been more proud.
Campus is too small for this to keep happening
Dude, I'm trippin balls. For real, I thought this bag on my floor was my dog for the longest time...
how does spending your day off taking me to the hospital sound?
I think I sold my soul to a dominatrix last night.
last night I learned that if you try to buy tacos in this town, that you will be stopped by three cop cars with breathalizers
slept at my ex’s house last night and as i was leaving his brother was sitting there on the sofa and said “bet you regret that one don’t ya”
Bro I rebuilt the dungeon in animal crossing visit me
Broooo
Randomize
