So that's a yes to the cocaine usage and a no to the rollerblading
dude i just figured out that the tostitos sign is two people eating chips and salsa. being high totally pays off sometimes
My brain is officially off for summer until late august. If that guy wants to fuck me, he better do it soon.
he had his head down and said he was listening for the buffalo, he had to still be drunk.
I made out with him with my retainers in. My drunken hook-ups get lazier and lazier.
Had to go see my sisters new baby this morn in the clothes I wore to the rave last night. Still drunk. Almost dropped it. I'll be a good aunt right?
Who knows? Maybe we can sing afternoon delight into each other's genitals.
I thought my period ended but I felt it again as soon as Pitbull started playing
Ok how about tonight me and you get laid together. Same girl. Then she signs our dicks.
As weird as it sounds I would totally be down
He ran over from the bar to give me more singles because the stripper was doing gymnastics on me. He is a really great friend, just probably not the best boyfriend.
Woke up with two different flip flops on sum burnt at the beach. Who are these French kids plz come back
I need a present that says please like me even though i'm banging your grandson
I'm a terrible person when I drink. I went from fine to not making any sense and yelling about cheese in like 30 seconds.
It's confirmed. I have two dates on Saturday, and they are both named Mike.
The cat's telling me to stop taking acid, and to start doing the lords work. I'm almost 99% sure he's talking about the dark lord.
THIS CAT'S GOING TO TURN INTO A SNAKE AND KILL ME! GET OVER HERE NOW! BRING YOUR WAND.
Randomize
