She wanted to fuck you. You threw up on her. Congrats.
So many tools at one table, you'd enjoy my italian family
For his 21st I'm getting a fancy hotel that way he can at least sleep in a nice bathtub
well, 500 bucks doesn't grown on trees, and i need that bear suit for any chance of vagina access.
I legitimately had a champagne shower last night at a rave. I was also carrying around two bananas in my pockets like guns. Drunk doesn't even. Begin to explain My night.
I've never used poorer judgment in my life. It's mathematically possible that I impregnated 5 women in the past 24 hours since I won the lottery. But I couldn't be happier about it.
Idk what was more embarassing, seeing her face when I finished, or seeing her roomates faces thru the door..
How the fuck did we end up at a strip club last night.. We started the night playing bingo at a church
I promise not to pretend to be Jesus and take the wheel. But to my credit you shouldn't be saying that while I'm that drunk and we are in a car.
I brought her cheeseburgers and tequila but she's still mad at me.
congratulations on joining the accidental bisexual club
what the fuck happened to the tacos
You seem like the type to go to a craft sale baked out of your mind. I like you.
I blacked out after the piñata full of condoms
Well, not only did I find out the Top Knight has roof access, I also let a guy I just met eat me out on the roof. Seems like a lot of wins if you ask me.
Randomize
