I Once took so much Ecstacy that I tried to hug a fire.
life lesson learned today: sleeping pills and laxatives don't mix.
too bad they don't have a 'people you may be able to do' thing on facebook. it would save me a lot of fucking time.
i'm pleased to announce i can now open a bottle of wine with my shoe if called upon to do so.
Theres a dude at this concert at the urinal double fisting beers, taking drinks from both while simultaneously pissing euerywhere. He is my hero
Thats the last thing I remember and then I woke up in this Dutch kids dorm and he was taking a picture of me while I was sleeping
Please tell me what happened last night... specifically who told me it was a good idea to pee in my shoe.
Did I at antime last saturday slip away and sign up for a prayer circle?
he tried breathing fire using moonshine and a roman candle. would not have believed it unless i actually witnessed it.
Did I send you a naked snap the other day with a fat blunt in my mouth with the caption "$1200 bitches!" ?
There's a burrito next to my bed. Did you buy it for me or is the Chipotle fairy real? And why am I naked?
THERE IS A MOTHERFUCKING HUMMINGBIRD FLYING AROUND IN OUR HOUSE RIGHT NOW HOW DO I GET IT OUT????
I just called my grandma crying, apologizing for being the first grandchild to have premarital sex...I'm either about to start my period or pregnant.
He's UNCIRCUMCISED. And it curves. Two things I've never encountered in all my sluttiness and they're both on the hottest guy alive. :(
It started with drunk jenga and ended with me simultaneously peeing and puking on his feet in the tub while he held me up. I met Tequila. I don't like her.
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