I am really glad that on the inside of a card from your grandparents you have transcribed the rules for circle of death
nothing as in nothinggggg kills the mood for me is when a girl with 4 cm nipple hair
So... My dad just saw the Plan B package and the beer cans in my backseat.
Oh its cool I'm sure he already knows you're a whore and an alcoholic.
i wanted to go smoke pot, so i told my mom i was getting tutored. she asked what time i would be back, i told her learning doesn't have a curfew
her last google searches are 'cheap african safari' and 'what does lion taste like'
With the amount of g's you put on going I'm gonna guess you're drinking alone again
Note to self: semen does not count as food to take medicine with
Stop leaving me alone with my ex boyfriends after keg challenges. Woke up in his bed covered in what you think would be cum. No...toothpaste. He left a note. "Be home at four. Don't be here when I get back."
I feel like he better crank it up to level RG IV tomorrow. It's the fucking playoffs.
Confirm that you received these messages so that I know you feel the agony of my vagina. There is such a thing as "too many penises".
Security deposit gone.
burned down garage with fireworks.
The bong is packed and it's taco Tuesday come over
Well, I'll handle this like I always do. Black the fuck out, make out with randoms, give out my number like candy. You know. Standard operating procedure
You just thought it would be a good idea to show your penis to your best friend. No harm, no foul.
and by running errands I mean eating an entire bag of milanos by myself in the Walmart parking lot
Randomize
