YOU GOT EVICTED FROM A TRAILER PARK!?!? WTF!!!!!
i woke up, turned over, and noticed an assortment of knives stuck in my wall. i should prob stop drinking
I'm going to appeal my grade. Is it better to look studious or slutty?
I remember convincing the limo driver to smoke with us and if he did I would name my first son after him.
It's like getting ready for my vaginas own execution
Im officially canceling McCormick Monday. I got a raise.
Sooo grey goose Tuesday?????
I AM A HOUSE CAT. I CANNOT DO THIS LION BUSINESS WE CALL THE SINGLE LIFE
Are you wearing clothes?
Fuck no, who do you think I am
THIS IS WHY I WENT TO SCHOOL FOR TO BE A COSMETOLOGIST TO HELP MY EX BOYFRIENDS CURRENT GIRLFRIEND BE MILDLY ATTRACTIVE... Everything DOES happen for a reason
We celebrated our relationship by shotgunning beers on his lawn in our underwear. I may have to marry this man...
I'm giving head in a stairwell, I'll be back in a few minutes. I'm so ashamed.
I always make inappropriate sexual decisions during the holidays
I'm sorry I lead life with my vagina.
Drunk him got in a fight with his wife he literally bought a plane ticket and flew to Hawaii. He just called me and asked why I let it happen. From Hawaii hahaha.
long story short, the bouquet was used as a sacrificial torch
Randomize
