well that was a long night...
dude, you were pretty messed up... what happened?
no idea... but i still woke up with my pirate hat on
Dude I think you forgot how to talk last night. We kept asking if you wanted a condom and you just smiled and made weird noises...
Let me guess--your parents are cousins.
So many bounce houses so little time
i can't sleep with him. he has a scrapbook from the girl he lost his virginity to.
To this day, he introduces me as "the girl I met climbing trees at 3 A.M."
Just heard the words 'Pussy Riot' on NPR...I almost crashed my car.
who was i chillin with last night? i woke up in a storage unit
I can't remember if I puked before or after the shots of absinthe. Or why I thought shots of absinthe was a good idea.
Can you tell me why Star Wars Burlesque is pulled up on my phone from last night?
Is using cherry lube as jam shameful or hilarious
I don't know. I'm drunk and dressed as a pirate but ill do the math tomorrow morning.
why is there glitter IN my vagina????
The fact that a spice girls song is stuck in my head is a great sign that my decisions aren't the right ones at the moment...
Do you think it's my receding hair line that makes all the milfs attracted to me??
Randomize
