My parents just checked my browsing history and now think I'm addicted to porn and am a necrophiliac. 1: I know it was you. 2: You're so dumped, that shit is sick.
they just dont make restraining orders like they used to.
He looks like the kind of guy that still collects pokemon cards
Exactly how many bongs can i have before my parents figure out they really aren't vases
The bartender gave me a roll of masking tape so I could tape my heels to my feet so I wouldn't lose them when i went drunk running later that night
My clit ring got caught in his beard. Never. Again.
I feel like every picture I upload of him on facebook where you can see his purity ring, I should make the caption "something in this picture does not belong"
I can pinpoint my loss of innocence as the moment I started masturbating with my teddy bears
Im fairly sure two chicks roofied me last night. Suckers. I love free drugs.
I'm so high. Midnight pancake breakfast in bed
I smell like hot dogs and captain morgan it's 11:20 am what is my life
We were making out on the floor and his 13 year old beagle crawled in between us & just sat there...I got cockblocked by an ancient beagle named Bubba
I AM STRANGELY AROUSED BY THIS UNEXPECTED DEVELOPMENT AND I AM COMPLETELY OK WITH THIS.
You punched me in the face while blackout. 20 min later I told you I'd been punched in the face and you yelled 'by who, imma go kill 'em!'
right now I am washing the alcohol and shame off from last night
Randomize
