So ps i'm not pregnant with any athletes illegitimate children : )
i was born a porn star she said
you figure out which one you wanna sleep with, & I'll sleep with the other one. problem solved
He gets a blow job and all I get is a huge scar on my arm ... how is this fair?
I gave up yolo and cigarettes for lent. I owe god a sincere apology.
She saves ONE person's life while blacked out and now she's positive anything can be done "while fucking hammered"
I am one Jewel song away from suicide watch
I made $80 at the club last night by telling him he was like a wild pony and I just wanted to tame him
There are both cum and chocolate stains on my sheets. Can't decide whether this is a new low or a new high.
Well you know I have tits so that's half the battle
If not, I can murder my liver twice...it's like a cat, it has 9 lives
You didnt text me.. I'm on your street with golf clubs
We gotta locate my vibrators and get them stashed away STAT
You left me a note that said "The Earth is blowing up. Bring the Rosé." WTF.
It's 3 am. Nothing I've tried can get the taste of failure and vomit out of my mouth.
Randomize
