we were having sex in the bathroom when his aunt knocked on the door
and rather than go out and meet her, i climbed out the window. so now she thinks he was masturbating and moaning his own name in a really girly voice
can we please take bets on how much therapy you'll need in the future?
Just got the orientation leader spot. For the first two days, I will be one of the best looking guys on campus. The freshman girls will be so disappointed they settled for me when everyone else comes back.
We went into lab today and when no one was looking i touched our cadaver's penis!
It's my fault there's ramen coiled around his penis.
This is the first time since last march I'm gonna be going to a class for more reasons than wanting to bone the girl sitting next to me.
Not many best friends can say they've all made out with a homeless guy
I've made a single handle of rum last like three weeks and my mom hasn't even acknowledged it.
Gay?
German.
Pity.
He then used a box cutter I keep in my car to open the plan b. Who says chivalry is dead?
So glad I can hide money in my wallet and drunk me is too stupid to find it. Hangover sushi ftw.
I got a lap dance in honor of your birthday last night.
Thank you.
theres a video...
oh god.
Wanted to let you know I hooked up with your brother.
i thought he was gay wtf
you missed a good time last night.
you texted me at 10 telling me to come fuck you, that says enough.
she said. She was going to, and I quote, "put her vagina inside my dick".
Randomize
