im at that stage where all she has to do is cough or something and it pisses me off
She is going down in cock block history. He went in to kiss me and she threw her hand between our faces and yelled "DENIED!"
There are 3 guys sitting in the elevator in lawn chairs wearing sunglasses and holding beers. the hallway rugs are stuffed in a trash can. i've never been so glad to be sober.
At my wifes high school reunion. Found out her nickname was 'Back Door Brooke'. EVERYONE is calling her that.
shes the kind of girl that would cock block endangered pandas
the most romantic thing he could do for me right now would be to throw himself into traffic
I don't think she can come out, she went too hard in the Intro to Theater Drinking Game at 2:30
Four times in one night? That Energizer bunny outfit lived up to the hype.
He taped a champagne bottle to both his hands and called himself edward champagne hands. At one point he poured some on his lap and said " Just needed to make sure my dick got some too"
You are COMPLAINING that the sex was too good. You're not getting any sympathy from me
TACOBELL COOL RANCH TACOS MARCH 7TH. I think realistically that will be more like valentines day for us. Bc nothing says romance like tacobell.
just tried to scoop ice cream with a steak knife. now in the emergency room with a the cab diver and the drag queen he picked up on the way. its gonna be a loooong day.
I'm trying to get laid this Halloween, not inspire the next season of AHS
I wanted to say "you're a souless cunt" but in a nice way. So I added a smiley face.
I just had 3 numbers I don't know text me and remind me I am to attend AA on monday. Im gonna say it was a good night.
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