I'm so horny!
I'm so hungry
WHAT A TERRIBLE REPLY!
For your pussy...
Someone shit on the floor
the new apple iphone has a feature that can find itself if you lose it, apple is getting closer to making a phone completely drunkproof...
and while your girlfriend wears your relationship pants, i'll be wearing my ecstasy pants
For his 21st I'm getting a fancy hotel that way he can at least sleep in a nice bathtub
Going to pass out with da shoes on. hugging wallstreet journal from tuesday. please check me for liveliness in the morning.
i've got to stop sleeping with short guys. they always turn into stage 5 clingers
Giving me the bigger bowl of ramen isn't considered "romantic"
Within 5 minutes of max walking in his pants were off and he was wearing my snow goggles as underwear.
He was singing Justin Beiber while we did it. I love secure Spanish men
It was fine until they started lighting shots of everclear on fire and making ME take them. That's when shit went down...
I smell like thanksgiving dinner and bad decisions. Its not even thanksgiving yet.
So unmotivated today.
Who am I kidding. So unmotivated this decade.
Your dad was just slow dancing with the priest and holding a beer. Classic
I JUST NEEDED TO TELL YOU I JUST FUCKED TWO BOYS IN THE SPAN OF LIKE THREE HOURS AND ONE OF THEM WAS MY SISTERS PROM DATE FROM HIGH SCHOOL IM LOWKEY BOTH PROUD AND ASHAMED
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