You guys sftrill at mcdondalds?!!!!
Yes.
fuckin bring me a cheseburgeria
Party at my house. Liquor pinata. Your presence is required.
Before I dignify that with an answer, let me get this straight. You're asking me if I wiped my ass on the towels?
I do remember getting hit in the face by an ugly one because she thought I was blowing on her butthole.
I shouldn't be home alone with this much peanut butter and the dog. I feel like i'm being recorded to see when my desperation will peak.
I really wanna know when trying to grow up turned into try not to throw up.
You can't buy drugs with a ziplock bag full of quarters, chuck-e-cheese coins, and a starbucks giftcard.
watch me
The girls at the police department photocopied my drinking ticket and told me to frame it and hang it on my wall. Then they gave me a free muffin and told me to party smarter next time.
Dude between pissing everywhere and all of those frogs, that bathroom got wrecked.
Guess who used an inflatable mattress to boat across a retention pond with brooms for oars and a radio and beer.
So my mind was like YOU ARE TOTALLY GONNA MAKE IT TO CLASS TODAY but then my body was all LOL NO YOU AIN'T.
Well my sober pact lasted almost an hour. Then I did four shots. But in other news, one of those shots I took with a midget. So like I couldn't turn that shit down.
It says a lot about the way my life is going right now that 'there's no shit in your house' is fucking good news.
She took all the bottles out of the shower caddy and replaced them with booze. I just made a shower Manhatten. Imma marry this one.
There's a weed, money and oreo filled pinata promised for our party.
Randomize
