Well I knew we were drunk when I told you it was a good idea to shit in the ocean
You crawled through a doggy door 5 times for a shot if cheap vodka.
Somehow those two combined like captain planet and shit went haywire
I'll be in my room with a breakfast burrito at 2:30. It's up to you...
The acoustics in my bra are fantastic.
So, this year for my birthday, want to get rip-roaring schmammered and watch my episode of my super sweet 16? We can do lines off my tiara.
There are some sad choices of men in the ER. That one was missing teeth. Not the place to find a husband.
I feel like I'm going to get the reputation of being the girl who brings her dog with her to all her random hookups.
Church parking lot, park bench, front porch. I think she's more comfortable going down on me in public. May have found the one.
After a while I was so wet that I started crying. HE MADE ME SO HORNY I WEPT.
I wrote myself a letter, like I think drunk me wants to be pen pals or something
His dick is the size of my forearm. Would it be rude to ask to take a comparison photo after sex?
Well, I can now cross "dirty drunk homeless hobo" off of my bucket list of people who have been successful wingmen for me. North Carolina is getting weird.
Let's get drunk and take out your tonsils tonight
I went to watch porn and there's already 3 Santa videos. Happy November 1st.
Randomize
