did you wind up at some random place? and do you remember face planting into the fireplace?
Erica just called me. She woke up in a storage closet in Mike's building with one shoe and no bag. Can you check your photos from last night to see if she had it at the bar?
She was adopted and used to dance at Sapphire. just my speed.
Things I woke up with this morning: half a mcmuffin, orange hair, one shoe and a friendly german man. Tequila was a brilliant idea.
I tried to get you something for Valentine's Day too but they said they couldn't deliver skittles and ecstasy :(
It's not really the holidays until I raid the medicine cabinet. Happy hydrocodone to me
And a merry methadone to all
As pissed as she was, you would've thought I was trying to get back into his pants instead of his booze collection.
Her car is covered in frozen vomit, and she lost her iPhone. I'm also pretty sure I smoked crack last night. Rest in peace 2014.
I puked into my skirt and then had to carry it to the bathroom and dump it out, Lmfao and it was like 2pm
Thanks for wearing matching bob ross shirts to the bar with me and referring to every guy as a happy little accident
Mom saw my dick pic over my gf's shoulder. She told her she really should've had me circumcised.
I was too hungover to sit up and pull the curtains closed so I did it with my toes
As in, legitimately worried. You just sent me a 6 message long text that did not contain any complete words.
And on the 323rd day without sex, God finally said let there be light...or love?
Dude, she stopped mid blow job to ask the cat's name. ADHD might be a deal breaker after all.
Randomize
