Just told the nurse I wouldn't get on the scale. Told her to write FAT.
so she sprained her ankle somehow and her friend had to carry her out while all 7 of us watched. do we even need to vote on that or is that automatic induction into the hall of shame?
I just found out that the liquid capacity of my breasts is 700ml each. I should not be left alone at home when drunk.
I had sex on an exercise ball. The inevitable has occurred.
She texted her brother about how much she loved his hot tub. He responded three days later that he wasn't aware he owned a hot tub.
I hope in my next life I'm a sterile trophy wife. With a husband who showers me in wealth and gifts but can't get a hard on. Do you think my karma is good enough for that?
good news: I made it out of bed and into shower. Bad news: I made it back to bed without clothes. Worse news: I don't know this bed.
I was desperately holding on to my sandwich while we had sex.
You just made it sound like a children's toy! It's a functioning body organ, my vagina is not a gameboy!!!
I have full custody of my vagina however you are granted visiting hours
I fell in the river last night. The allegheny to be exact. Omg getting drunk at work gatherings is dangerous
Okay but look at his jawline. I NEED TO RIDE IT.
Don't do him, he's a Dolphins fan! A FUCKING DOLPHINS FAN!
I'm totally picking out my shrooming outfit and blankets right now
My professor is wearing skinny jeans, orange socks and just said penetration. I don't know what to think
Randomize
