Sorry I had passed out by this time I think, with the chicken fingers ON my face in my bed, with all the lights on, and ketchup all over.
The woman at the nail salon waxing my lip just showed me the strip with all the hair on it while smirking. Apparenltly 'you have a stache' can be communicated through a language barrier.
All I remember is taking a bath, puking in the bath water numerous times while trying to wash myself and I must of eventually given up
What did you give her? She's trying to tape her wrists so her hands don't fall off.
The bartender asked if I wanted a to-go cup for my crown and coke.....I just realized I'm back in Montana and fuck did I miss home.
i think I'm just gonna buy a new vibrator, body pillow, some guys cologne to spray on it, a life time supply of wine and weed and be done with all this shit
Whatever it's Canadian jail, it's not like Guatemala or something. It'll be nice and cushy and they'll probably throw him a big bday party with all his friends and strippers
dude, where are you? this beer run has taken so long i read war and peace, took a nap, and shaved 3 times.
Butt Stuff 2016 unites us all
I feel like I shouldn't be left around 30 year olds when I'm drunk
woke up. showered n got ready. had sex. and was still 15 minutes early to work... its gonna be a good day!
If this adventure is going to get us arrested it'll have to wait until Wednesday so that I can bail myself out.
sarah's view on last night: a threesome to make things less awkward. oh, well done.
I know you told me I shouldn't go see him...that's why I'm texting you letting you know I made it home safe from his house this morning
Well, for starters, you were growling and slurping beer from a puddle on the carpet. Let's all hope that was beer...
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