I left the party when things started to get crazy... and when I say crazy I mean: there was puke on the carpet, Evan was passed out behind a plant, Mary was making out with her ex while her present bf was making out with Nancy. Not to mention that someone fisted the wall. Also - someone is sleeping on your lawn - they might be dead, I didn't check. Later.
There's this guy beside me dancing with this girl with no panties on. When I looked at him he said he's babysitting his bestfriend's girlfriend since he can't come out.
What a good friend
whatever sunny in Philadelphia does on Thursday nights, I'm doing all weekend.
I've never watched DWTS before, but this show's got Pamela Anderson, Erin Andrews and Brooke Burke: 3 of my top 10 all time most masturbated to women.
she won't be coming home tonight because she tried stealing a baby giraffe from the zoo
Blood and glitter go together right?
He really thought ahead and just left the tequila in the mail box for late night pickup. Best. Friend. Ever.
I'm already too high to be publicly presentable. I just looked at myself in the mirror without my sunglasses. Debated contacts. Said aloud "But I'm nothing without my sunglasses."
Whoever put the rooster in the elevator is my fucking hero. Who even thinks of that shit?
I've learned life lessons in Vegas. Mostly, drugs are cheaper than alcohol.
Was expecting a sext from Kristi and then my mom randomly sent me a pic of her ugly Xmas sweater. Worst. Buzzkill. Ever.
We were walking to the bar with a group of people and literally made 4 stops in people's lawns garages or random walls for him to eat me out
I woke up in the middle of the night with my dick out and my electric blanket on high. It's like she wanted a hot dog.
Come get your boyfriend. He is hammered talking to me about hot dogs and casinos.
I had perfectly good intentions but my penis had other ideas and now I need a place to crash what do you say
Randomize
