On my way home i need to take a massive dump and couldn't wait.
I climb out of my sunroof. I mean its kind of embarrassing but part of me feels awesome and ninja like.
please tell me you remember why "7 days" is written above my bed in red marker
He was doing push ups, crunches and jogging in place in front of the restaurant. I'm not too sure I want to eat there if it requires immediate exercise following the meal.
I've had enough of this chick, she wanted to cuddle after giving me a handjob. I feel like I'm in junior high
There are bruises on the top of my foot. The pole won.
Woke up with a full plate of KFC next to my face. I didn't really question it.
oh, i've got big weekend plans. on an unrelated note, do you think viagra will work if the guy is roofied?
Within 24 hours, I went to a feminist documentary screening with two state reps and you hate fucked a rent-a-cop on the helipad of your hospital. Somewhere our lives went in different directions.
I still make more money.
The only thing I'm asking santa for is my period.
And vodka?
And vodka.
my still drunk mind thought "hey this is a really good time to stand in the middle of the street barely clothed in 20 degree weather at 4 am talking about the blow job i gave him soph year of high school"
Mom called last night while I was at the bar and asked where I was. I told her I was on the highway to the danger zone while the guys were humming the top gun theme.
Are you ok?
They gave me a cat until I fall asleep. His name is fluffy because he's fluffy.
I made a joke about The Hemingway being a really boring sex position where you blandly describe all the action and then kill yourself after you orgasm. He stopped responding. I've GOT to stop talking to everyone like they're you.
just hooked up with a guy ON MY CAMPUS VISIT. god only knows whats gonna happen when im actually a student
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