"you've got the devil in yuh. the curse of Jesus is coming on your sex soon." That's what a homeless guy just told me.
the stripper made me go home becuz she had to take her kid to a birthday party in the morning
What would you have done with a 40 foot neon parrot anyway?
it's great music for shaving your balls
He just got home drunk. He ate 5 snack cakes, said Little Debbie's his bitch, went upstairs and fell asleep.
We're sitting in his room writing songs about America. There's a verse about a dead dog. There's tequila everywhere.
Yeah, clearly. And then we can float around my room on Christmas themed inner tubes. And drink, I guess.
Drunk at ten am watching Californication re runs. Being divorced rules.
I just want to return to LA when the weed and dick is plentiful.
"This must be what Jayden Smith feels like all the time"
They had an Olympic theme party at her work yesterday. She brought home her fake gold medal and hung it on my cock after she rode me.
I'm not saying I love you. I never said I love you. I said that if earth blew up like Krypton you'd be the only person I would like to have inside me when our bodies burn up in a fiery inferno
You know you gave a quality blow job when you have to ice your neck and jaw the next day.
Then you screamed in her face to shut up about thick thighs saving lives because actually they can suffocate people during oral sex
Drunk me is very safety conscious And apparently just as annoyed by her as sober me
She’s a Vegas 8, which makes her an Oklahoma 27
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