once the "do it" chant starts, any shot at an even remotely dignified party experience is dead.
He offered but I said no. I didn't think it'd be cool to accept cupcakes in the mens room of a gentlemans club.
It's all sex hats and vagina bandages with you isn't it?
am i so blindsided by his great personality that i'm hooking up with an ugly guy?
i thought you knew
He sent me a picture of him trying to push his cock into a Gatorade bottle. I dont know if I'm impressed it didn't fit and disgusted that he sent me something so vile.
I mean, on what planet are nipples suppose to look like that?
I didn't think I was even that high but when we were standing in the cop car's headlights I totally forgot how to use my arms
im not letting a little injury get in the way of my alcoholic/drug problems. we ARE getting turnt tonight.
you never un-have a 4some
I would steal a car if I knew it had wheat thins in it
is it necessary to steal the whole car?
You walked around in your costume going up to every guy saying "I'm a squirrel, give me your nuts"
Your sister just admitted to being a " much bigger bitch" than you. So you've got that going for you, which is nice.
Are you texting me while pooping again?
I'm also playing fetch with the dog
Howd last night go?
well he stumbled in my parents door drunk and then asked my mom if she was my grandma. Id say as far as first impressions go, he failed miserably
If there's someone that knows accidental pantlessness, it's Mike.
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