My bed smells like naked
Haha. At least it doesn't smell like herpes
I dont ever wanna see you tell my little brother to "spread the seed" ever again
Hey Operation Dumbo Drop... FYI, when you select your date this evening, our doorway is 3'x7'
a creepy fucking ass man came up and started raven cawwing in my ear... he said it was the raven mating call. i am officially freaked out
I just used a franzia box to scrape the snow off my car.
mom just asked if we are going to need more kaluha as she pulls 5 out of the cupboard. this xmas might kill me
basically theres shrimp everywhere. splattered on the walls, in the carpet, its bad. ohh theyre never gonna get the smell out.
Call me when your ready for an explanation about the ham in your vagina.
your love of good penises attached to ugly faces is disgusting and slightly disturbing.
I'm pretty sure we scarred one of our coworkers. This is the second time he has caught us both fully undressed and banging at work.
Either he has bad timing or he wants to join.
Other than my penis smelling like an ashtray, it went really well.
We found him flat on his back, sobbing, 'fuck you stars' at the sky. No more everclear for Derek.
Just stay awake and booze cruise it to class. How are you a senior and have never went to class drunk? No excuses, I have a better gpa.
My dad accidentally texted me asking if I had weed...
Maybe you should say yes, and you guys can like bond or something...
First she snuck beer into the movies and then proceded to give me a handjob in the dark theatre. I think I'm in love
Randomize
