My e-date is really photogenic. Real-life not so much
I cut holes in my blanket and put my arms through it. It's the sleeveless "Bro Edition" Snuggie.
There is still throw up in my sink from before break. God I missed this place
We are going out Saturday. Oh and we might also be jousting on bikes.
Just because Aaron is a gender neutral name does not mean I am letting you name your baby after a drug dealer
You have all of her herpes and none of my sympathy
You're just horny.
Yea, and? I appreciate you as a person too if that helps.
According to him, i kept saying "I'm belligerent as SHIT" and tried to run around the house in just my bra and underwear. Thats when they decided to carry me to the car and take me home.
I just realized that at some point last night I told someone I would only be friends with 16% of them because the other 84% stole my people's land
Yeah. That's the shitty part. God, I don't want to be a step mom. Sure I'm great with kids, but I just want unlimited sex and not have to worry about making friends with a fucking 7 year old.
I found where he bartends and I guarantee you that in approximately nine months from this Friday, you will have a niece
I CLEANED MY BATHROOM FOR YOU!! betrayal
he was wearing a widestriped red gingham suit jacket with complete sincerity im not surprised she beat the shit out of him
The cashier looked at my basket, looked at me and said "That's a lot of wine." I looked at her and said "Mother in law." She nodded approvingly.
I am watching the most amazing drunk person ever. Literally such a trooper that you can put anything in front of him he'll drink it. His latest reason for taking another shot was: well whatever. I'm never gonna get married anyway.
Randomize
