if socks could get pregnant i would have catholic amounts of kids
Just saw a squirrel crossing the road in a crosswalk..my morning has improved exponentially.
I just had sex with a black guy. He told me I had a big dick. I think that's God's way of saying it's okay to be gay.
At the end of the white elephant exchange, our professor had a big black dildo around her neck and I won a full body dinosaur suit. I could die tomorrow with no regrets.
Hows that studying goin for you?
I'm in my bathtub in a robe and jeans smoking a bowl and my hair is covered in olive oil
I just woke up in my ex-boyfriends bed, with my new boyfriends jersey on. I love March maddness.
But I wanna cuddle and just put my hand awkwardly close to your penis area by accident and look at you
I made the last cup in beer pong off the dude's hat. I also faintly remember rapping Forever by Drake during said game.
I gave up great shower sex to be here so don't say I never did anything for our friendship.
The difference between 22 and 28 is bigger than I realised. I had the urge to put on Spongebob and give him a cookie.
This is not the first time I've recognized my body is subconsciously trying to make pizza.
Just witnessed a man yell "gonna catch a slut!" at himself in the mirror while doing bicep curls at the gym.
I was...perplexed.
you ate an entire watermelon by using a CD as a spoon, then proceeded to chuck the leftovers at some dudes car...
How's the party?
I'm watching two people get flogged. Sothere's that.
What did you delete my number or something
Oh honey. What makes you think I saved in in the first place?
Randomize
