At the hair cuttery. A father here with his daughter just answered his phone "ken's whorehouse"...Now I remember why I used to pay more for haircuts.
She threw her promise ring on the ground, that's when the freak came out.
not exactly restoring sanity, but he is throwing up on the national mall right now
Define 'illegal'. Your idea of it and my idea are in separate universes.
He turned down a handjob. A HANDJOB. I know I'm no Jessica Simpson, but...
Actually, she's fat now, so...
Fuck. I AM Jessica Simpson.
I only remembered where urgent care was because it's across the street from my favorite bar
I'm gonna win the lottery and buy chinchillas and tattoos for everyone
I can't tell you what you just drank, that would ruin the point of Mystery Monday.
You know how the doctor said I need to stop being vegan unless I find a way to get more protein? There's protein in beer. The doctor wants me to drink more beer.
We put a ban on pants at an unusually early point in the night.
We were watching sports center while I blew him so we could see the football highlights. I missed fall
You know if we weren't hooking up I think we'd actually be friends
It was crazy man, at one point after already going 3 rounds I tried to breakaway for a smoke...she yanked me by the nipple hair back on top of her.
I thought you couldn't go near Germans after that restraining order
I'm like a sensual ninja. You turn your head for a second and.... BOOM I'm naked. It's like a naughty magic trick.
Randomize
