Yes. UR adorable in a weird way.
Manager just farted into the intercom. Whole place heard it. A number of people stopped everything and looked at him. Best. Night. Ever.
just smash crush and snort whatever we can get our paws on
I knew I fell for you for a reason
I feel bad for the person that has to clean the dishes that I peed on last night.
Whoever put the tambourine in the dryer is a douche. Worst hangover wakeup ever
When were having sex he was mumbling some guys name. If he wasn't as hot as he is I'd be concerned.
at least you got your priorties in line. new years first, than the baby.
Fuckkkk i made out with a freshman.....but he's old for his age. THIS IS WHAT HAPPENS WHEN YOURE NOT AROUND.
Called the cops on a high school party then went in after all the kids ran away and took the rest of the beer. What are you doing tonight?
This is your morning-after text courtesy of your very confused friend!! :) To discuss "what the hell were you trying to tell me last night," press 1. To laugh over your drunken antics, press 2. To pretend like none of it even happened (or to respond with concurrent confusion because you have no idea), press 3.
He went out to smoke and when he came back I was still in the same spot naked and unable to breathe.
All I could say was, "ladies and gentlemen, THIS is why I drive 30 mins"
after sex he fell asleep with his water bottle in one hand and his dick in the other at 6pm. I'm a winner.
DO NOT FUCK YOUR ENGAGED GAY NEIGHBOR!
i woke up half naked on someone's pool lounge chair in a house that i don't know, with someone's phone number scrawled on my stomach. why do i hang out with you again??
You just listed two reasons.
Ben Franklin would totally be a furry.
You're smoking weed and checking Tumblr I take it?
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