Just incase you were wondering, the count of ladies who have perioded on chairs at our fine restaurant is now at 3.
she said she could "feel the heat of my groin" against her. ruined the whole fucking moment.
She sucked her thumb until she was 17. It's like my dick was born to be in her mouth.
James and whatshisface bought me drunks. I am drinks.
i just bought plan b at the bus station. happy holidays and welcome to a new level of white trashiness.
You can come over, sure. But I'll be watching college hockey during the blow job.
It is too early in this hangover to be seeing some guys ass crack.
my professor saw me buying beer for the super bowl and said go patriots. thats how i know im getting an A in his class.
PLEASE DON'T BE HEARTLESS COME AND GET ME FROM THE BAR I'M HIGH AS SHIT AND I LOST MY SHOES
Showed up physical therapy hammered. The therapist just says this isnt part of the program.
Aaaaand now he just flexed his muscles at me and said "I'm a fucking eagle!"
Question: what's the protocol for seeing your mistress walking alongside her clueless boyfriend? If you could answer this ten minutes ago, that'd be great.
How do you clean human pee out of a carpet
Inconspicuously
How exactly does a handjob become fancy?
Blueberry lube, and champagne.
I’m drunk and naked and looking for my charger - title of my autobiography.
Randomize
