the only difference between me and a prostitute was that i complained a lot more.
he was sending me dirty texts but i was watchin nickeloden and couldnt get into it
im ashamed your my cousin
I dont want to tell you. Lets just say that a lot of things are reminding me of your dick right now
let's just skip the pleasantries and go back to my place for pizza and casual sex
SHE WON'T ROUND UP MY GRADE! I have a 79.8% I ONLY MISSED TWO CLASSES!!! ONE WHEN I GOT DRUGGED AND ONE WHEN MY CAR GOT BROKEN INTO!! I'm interculturally competent. I used to date a Italian/Cherokee Indian. I fucked a Palestinian. How much more pro-peace can you get?
Its kind of weird knowing that im only seeing you that day to fuck in some woods
We had half a pitcher of beer left and he asked us if we wanted a to-go cup. Fuck yeah we want it to-go.
You know I love you more than life itself, but love has its limits. And so help me god, if you bail on me, I will fucking watch the last Game of Thrones episode without you.
you can't get cum all over my hair and then tell me you just want to be friends
He may be engaged to someone else, but god damn that was the best 3 hours I've ever spent naked with someone.
Have you ever given your heart and soul to someone and they turn out to be nothing but a great fuck that makes a mean grilled cheese because same
She was going down on me before I had a chance to tell her I arrested her brother 3 hours earlier
Wow you are like a taller more attractive sex Yoda.
When he pulled out it sounded like a balloon deflating
So turns out my new assistant isn't really my assistant. The owner needed a title for his FWB so his wife wouldn't catch on. I got a three hundred a month credit limit boost on my corporate credit card instead.
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