I got drunk at the beach today. I got the word Badass! tatooed all the way across my foot. Probably a bad idea.
that girl looks like she smells like hot dog water...
I just smoked a bowl in the dining room and am now drinking a glass of chocolate milk. i can't believe i'm getting paid for this.
I get drunk and say inappropriate things... you get drunk and sleep with inappropriate people. it's what we do.
Just got cockblocked by coyotes. This would happen to me.
Needing to keep one leg on the floor during sex so you dont spin should qualify for some kind of drunk award.
Well call me tomorrow, it's a great story that may lead to me being fired and/or possibly being buried in a shallow grave somewhere out in wine country.
This is just what we do. We meet guys, go back to their place, smoke all their weed & go home to compete in out own version of Cupcake Wars.
He may only be 25% black, but after that sexual experience I am 100% never going back.
So I get to my parents and walk in the door so my mom knows I'm safe and alive and my grandpa looks at me and says "were you being someone's bitch". And I about died of laughter
Wow, he seems so solid
Just a heads up... Don't get high and attempt to do your own taxes
I almost took a picture but it looked like he might have a shank and I'm just not at a place in my life where I could handle having tetanus
Why does everyone always assume I'm fucking their boyfriends?
You are fucking her boyfriend.
I'm eating go-gurt and drinking beer alone in the dark. This is why you shouldn't marry young.
You need a new phone. When you talk it sounds like the teacher from Peanuts while she's trying to give a blowjob.
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