Moving to Utah. Got sick of alcohol and have a severe wife shortage.
If there was a god I would have a big mac right now, but i don't
When I get home we should play "let's see how many Christmas movies we can watch before we start having sex."
I feel like god wrote up a contract of my life, and i just signed off on that shit without reading the fine print.
I kind of feel like BP. I'm dressed in green and absolutely horrible for the environment.
Hey I'm not sure why your jacket's covered in maple syrup but I just realized you didn't leave the house earlier wearing a jacket...
You paid at the door and they gave you a straw for the kiddie pool full of booze.
After a bit there were two girls who got naked and liquor wrestled. I don't think it was planned.
Lets get drunk and then you just wraps me into a present because that sounds like fun after the past 3 glasses of wine I drank
Well I accidentally flashed a 76 year old woman, i'm in a house full of republicans and Im almost drunk enough to give the gay rights speech so i'd say this wedding reception is going great
I just sneezed and margarita mix and ash came out of my nose. I love jersey
Welcome to Missouri, the show me your genitals state.
it's unicorns you uncultured swine
Sex and bbq. He sure knows how to make a girl feel special
I know you're here! I can hear your phoneeeee. Wake up and do illegal things with me.
You spent twenty minutes waxing poetic about her ass and her thighs
Randomize
