Oww! U thought rug burn was bad! Fuckin carseat burn hurts like a mother!!!
Wtf?
Use the slutty part of ur brain.
I hope the kids appreciate the fact that I jizzed on her instead of on their slide.
Just watched a porn with the dvd commentary on i think i need to re-evaluate my life
girl is pretty boring. i'm gonna see if she'll let me finger her.
I hit a bug from across the room with my flip flop boomerang style. That awesome.
Just traded a samurai sword for some drugs. It's gonna be one random ass night
you came home soaking wet, and when I asked where your umbrella was, you pulled it out of your bag and were so proud you kept it dry.
We almost died tonight..we almost die every night. but tonight was the closest by far
These pubs in Ireland act like hand jobs aren't the universal currency
If I can't pick up a cat lady, I probably need to turn to Internet dating.
I got kicked out of the men's bathroom at the diner last night because i was straddling the sink attempting to pee with pants on. Beat that.
Walked in on my roommate covering his dick in blue frosting. Am staying with my folks for the Forth. See you Monday if the brain bleach works.
I AM EATING BACON AND CHEESE. FUCK THE BULLSHIT.
What's the plan?
Not sure. I think I'll take a dump on his windshield.
He was so traumatized by the It's a small world ride but he immediately pulled out a flask from god-knows-where and got drunk before the ride was over. The ride operator didn't blame him.
Randomize
