I'm in the laundromat a drunk armenian guy keeps trying to help me fold my laundry. Ah i'm going to miss queens.
Also you were throwing your phone yelling this is durable as shit
Have introduced beer-pong to my work's Tuesday lunches.
so why are there three stressed gay men and a bowl of vomit in the smoke room?
Chris threw beer can at guy. Guy ended up being a fighter. Chris got his eye socket broke. Fighter got hand re-broke. Chris is passed out. Fighter is in kellys bed. everybody won last night. I think.
Please ignore everything I told you about my girlfriends vagina last night.
Do not shit in our house. There is no TP. I am walking to get more, if I do not return, I have probably died of dysentery after my last wagon wheel got stuck in a gulch. Tell Martha and Lou Ann that I love them, and that I passed away doing the Lord's work.
What not to say at an interview: i can wrap the shit out of some food.
And now I'm drinking leftover wine in the grad lounge because fuck my life
I was the girl at the bar last night passing out free condoms and making sure everyone knew how to use them to keep the population down
Get up, biotch, before I come traipsing in there to rip apart whatever god-forsaken spoon you have going on between the two of you and your dog.
I'm trying to fuck him and feed him. I don't understand why it isn't working.
He told me he was cooking me a special dinner tonight. His "five star meal" was popcorn in champagne glasses, and chic fil a sauce in jello shot containers to dip the popcorn in. He still tries to convince me he doesn't smoke weed anymore.
what do you mean he's functionally heterosexual
My brothers dog was hit by a car and died. They're really sad about it.
But they're having a baby! It's like a dog only 40 billion times worse!
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