just gave a homeless man a kiss in exchange for two handles
exact location. now.
is wine microwaveable?
There's half of a squirrel in the bathtub - i figured you'd be the one to go to.
she broke up with me and one of her excuses was constant soreness... should I be sad or proud?
mom came into my room and asked to borrow some condoms. We have gotten to the point where it's not awkward anymore.
Does the whole "it was New Years" excuse apply this year?
My public calorie counter app is pretty much just a cry for help.
After the 3rd shot, she was running around singing, "Twinkle Twinkle Big Ol' Dick, on your happy place I'll sit" to your brother.
Put that bitch's torch out. She's been voted off.
I'm putting you on my Emergency card so i can spend the last ounce of strength in my hospital bed to flip you off.
Just killed a snake in my bed! And by killed I mean hit repeatedly with my fist. And by snake I mean a lump in the covers. And I pissed my pants.
Some toppless girl just walked past me in the hall and gave me half a carton of smokes. I have never been more aroused.
I was looking for a pen and I stumbled upon my mom's vibrator. On a related note, yes I will be going out tonight.
All this studying of HIV makes me want to have sex with you.
he's been dating her for 18 months and cheating on her with me for 16. if that's not commitment, i don't know what is.
I have filthy fantasies involving his tongue. My vagina almost exploded while he was licking that ice cream cone.
Randomize
