She's just bitter because she lost all the weight only to discover she doesn't have a pretty face after all.
I just put my retainer in and it tastes like weed
And we will make penis cookies and eat them suggestively
I just read the lonely terrorist on nwa had 40 more friends than me on facebook
Oh god. There is a bite mark in the bar of soap. Please tell me I was not that wasted.
Rent Disney Oceans. Smoke a bowl. Fast forward to the seal section. Then call me.
Crashed the mayor's bday party, no list for some reason. Wore suits. Ludacris was there.
You picked up her frozen vom puddle and threw it like a frisbee.
Well after last night I am convinced he is real life Tyler Durden. He only exists to me and somehow keeps me out of jail this entire time
I'll even be awesome and bring pizza for your family, just as a "hey thanks for letting a stranger get trashed at your house" gesture.
She left a blanket, pillow, a glass of water, and two advils in the bathroom for me. It's like she knew. Best room mate ever.
This is what you sent me from the other side of the pool, "Idk but thers a pool n l wanna get naked take off my trunks ill paddle with my dick"
Go makeout with Mickey Mouse so we can get FastPass tickets
I haven't been dieting for my entire life to date some guy who thinks his dad bod is a riot.
You have GOT to stop kicking in his kitchen door. Just wait for him to open it next time.
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