my ultimate dream in life is to have sperm so powerful that it will rival that of jim bob duggar.
I've spent too much of my life staring at my bberry and counting to 5 to see if it blinks
I've spent 9 hours vomitting in the fetal position... how did i stay like this for 9 months?
going to the gym drunk. fuck whoever made basketball season and getting a spring break ready body in the same season.
I think I should receive an honorary Heisman... I mean, I did sleep with two of the finalists
I was preparing to do my walk of shame shirtless, but then I found my sweater, wallet and keys neatly piled under a tree in the park.
Got drunk and tried to deep fry burritos. Turns out wild turkey isn't a good replacement for vegetable oil. Nearly burned my house down.
Sober people should be as daring as drunk people more often, because honestly the fact you’ve lived so long is a sign that anything is possible.
Her roomates have been scoring her hookups. I got 8.9, best of the week!
more embarrassing than that time i showed up to class in my hoodie and leggings because i over slept, and then as i zipped my hoodie down i realized i didn't sleep with a bra on or a shirt
whats our policy on dating high schoolers?
we dont have a policy but im pretty sure the state of michigan does
I'm so confused as to where the sexual euphemisms end and the drinking starts
That awful moment when there is no more beer and you find yourself considering tequila and aloe juice.
shut up and let me use my vagina as a weapon of self destruction in peace!
We're listening to drake in the middle of the woods and smoking two joints at once...my life is complete.
Whats a little breast milk between friends?
Randomize
