Apparently he's never heard a queef, he totally thought I farted and got freaked out.
just did the walk of shame by his grandma. what the fuck is an old lady doing up at six am?
The size of her hoop earrings are directly related to how much of a slut she is.
i will pay you if you can come get me. he just suggested that we would have a hockey themed wedding.
She's running around bumping into to people trying to keep a balloon she filled with vodka in the air. Please tell me she has a secret off switch you didn't tell me about.
at the hospital. the stripper fell on his face when she was trying to grab the dollar bill out of his mouth with her ass. broken nose for sure.
Pretty sure they aren't letting me back to karaoke night after I screamed "fuck every one of you tasteless hillbillies!!" because I felt they didn't clap loud enough for Jen.
I think I should just accept my destiny that I'm going to be someone's second wife
My tits sealed my fate
Reached a new low last night. Passed out. With my pants down. On the toilet. At ihop. Waitress had to wake me up.
Holy sore nipples Batman
I just saw a kid on iowa campus story that looked like the guy i made out with on spring break.
Its a good night when you make $200 and didn't have to see any balls
We power houred with shots of red wine. Somehow we ended up with 7 bottles and lost Chris. Trying to find him this hungover is proving very unsuccessful.
I cannot believe I accepted his penis into my body.
...this is why fuck buddies should be only for grownups.
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