marko just referred to some fat asian and a portly friend as Jupiter and one of its moons. unreal. hyte!
The little things make me happy. Little dicks do not.
I'm pretty sure we organized our beer pong teams according to who's been circumsized...
My parents don't seem to understand that all I want to do over break is smoke in bed and watch Workaholics.
The brazilian leg lock that the stripper put me in was definitely the highlight of the night
I could not handle jail. And my very angry parents.
Look, the coffee machine died a noble death. It was the way it would have wanted to go. It was a mercy exploding, really.
I put a bagel at the end of my bed so every time I want a bite I have to do a sit up
YOU BROUGHT HANDCUFFS TO THE WHITE ELEPHANT EXCHANGE AND DIDN'T TELL ME???
We had a moment of silence for all of the orgasms he gave me with his beard before he shaved it off.
His premature ejaculation problem is getting old.
So I woke up really sad and then I looked in the cabinet and there was weed and now I'm not sad anymore
We are not having sex in the fucking kindergarten
Happy hour crawl turned into power happy hour turned into tequila shots turned into I'm drunk in class on Cinco de Mayo at 7 am.
I deserve a medal for being woke up at 6am on my day off by your mother asking where your brother is
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